I am going back to school. Today, actually. In a few hours, and I am extremely excited. The plan is to study to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant. My dream is still translucent, but I am interested in mental health and creating habits and baby steps that will improve their lives.
A goal that I am eager to reach and eager to put the work into, but not without the help of the Queen of Cups.
The Queen of Cups: Manifested her dreams and intuitions into her special cup. Brought the metaphysical into the physical world. It wasn’t overnight, she was trained, taught, and primped for this. And there are rules, laws, and truths she can’t bend or break, these rules are her foundation and her pillar of power. She let her intuition and dreams surround her so that she could better use these truths to reach her dreams, but she didn’t let them overtake her, she is still in control of her reality and knows what is firm and real and what is fluid and illusionary.
Why an OTA? Honestly, less school, but still able to help. (like a vet tech and not a vet). And Occupational Therapy needs to be in our lives more.
This is something I personally could have used help with after being diagnosed with postpartum depression after both kids. I don’t think I ever really recovered after the first one, and it got pretty dark after the second one.
For both events, I was given pills as the ultimate and final solution. Okay, so I took them. That is what the doctor told me to do, and he’s a doctor, so I should believe him, right? This is the ONLY thing that will help me. No other options were offered, and at the time I was so tired and sad that I didn’t even think to ask about something like therapy or even a call line.
Nope, just take this little beige pill once a day and be on your way.
I returned to work after the first kiddo, and while on the medication, nearly got fired a few months later because I was becoming a robot. I was a teacher, I was supposed to respond to my students and all I had become regurgitator of lecture. It was not good… At home, I would rush with the baby and get her to bed so I could work on grading, new lectures, and other teacher things. It was bleak and bad.
Thank goodness my boss talked to me about it. Thank goodness she gave me another chance and time to either change or wean myself off the pills.
I chose to get off the pills. I decided to try gluten free. I’d heard that it could help with depression, and it would give me something other than work or baby to focus my energy. It worked fairly well. I found myself in a clearer headspace, I enjoyed parenting and teaching once again and was no longer a robot.
When I had the second baby, I was sick of working at that school (long story, not the right place for that). I worked one final semester and then was fortunate enough to stay home with them and work part time. Which actually saved us a TON of money (again, another story).
And I could feel the darkness once again after baby number 2. And because I was desperate not to fall into myself too deep, I asked the doctor again for help and he threw more pills at me. The same pills.
And that was that.
I took them, but when I started to feel the robot coming out, I weaned myself off. I would rather be sad than be a robot.
Not only was I sad, I was upset and hurt by my doctor. What the hell? Here take this… Not, let’s look at what’s happening in your life.
It took three years, but I am in a much healthier and happier place. I still have dark times, but I am becoming much kinder to myself and they are becoming less and less.
In these three years, I have developed habits for myself, the children, and the house. Journaling, yoga, meditating (still working on that one), expanding my spiritual side, eating keto (good bye sugar, you were making me the saddest and I didn’t even know it), playing with the kids, exercising, getting a dog, my planner, setting goals, learning tarot, combining mundane with magical, learning what the heck self-care was and how to actually do it.
There were lots of trials and errors. For some of this time, we didn’t have insurance so outside help wasn’t really feasible. If I had a buddy to reach out to or become accountable with the journey would have been a lot smoother and easier to traverse. However, I wouldn’t be here now with the same desires to help others.
I feel like I can be a good helper. I was a vet tech for 12 years, a teacher for 7 years. My favorite part of both careers was the one-on-one time with owners, teaching them how to understand and work with their pet’s recently diagnosed disease or injury (emergency and internal medicine for most of my time); and working with students together on a project or paper. I feel that both of these will help with a career in OTA, and honestly, I am excited about that. Sure, there will be hard days, but I’m sure there will (and always will be) more good days than bad.
Well that’s the story. The motivation behind my new adventure. Here’s to creating a unique cup of my own to hold all my future adventures and to toast to fulfilled dreams.
To keep myself on track, I placed the card in my planner. She’s taped to the ‘dashboard’ tab, so I can see her every day because I use her every day.