Full Moon

The full moon is out tonight.  No more hiding or hoarding things you don’t need.  It’s all exposed under the light of the full moon.  This is a time to think about transformation until the next full moon. 28 days to work through the things that are holding you up or holding you back.

Also the time to recharge your crystals, your tarot cards, and anything else you want or need including yourself.  Anything to help with the heavy energy that is present.  Don’t know if you feel it to, but my anxiety has been flaring up for the past week for no reason.  I’ve been very chill up until this week.

Not sure about you, but I could use a reboot both emotionally and mentally.  Even just a short break from your thoughts can help.  Helps me when the overwhelm or anxiety begins to strike.  These can help make a margin of space between you and your emotions.  And while it may be a small margin, sometimes that’s all you need to find your footing again or shed light on the path.


Few easy ways to make time for yourself:

  • Mindfully enjoy your beverage of choice.  Feel how it moves around your mouth.  What if feels like on your teeth, tongue, cheeks, and throat.  Sounds silly, but when you take a sip think about that liquid instead of your day or whatever.  It’s like a timeout, the clock may still be running, but you have a second to stop thinking about real and “important” things.
  • Force yourself to look out the window for at least 2 minutes.  Think about what you see and try to make up a story around it.  Are the birds you see gossiping about what the squirrel did or the latest episode of X they watched through a window?  Again, it’s dumb and silly, but it gives you a pause when the thoughts come too fast.
  • Smell something that gives you comfort.  I love lavender and clean laundry.  Any chance I can work these smells into my day I am happier for it.  As tedious as laundry gets, I try to enjoy the smell and feel of warm, clean laundry.
  • Pull a tarot card.  Just one and think about the picture.  You can do a few things here with this one.  1. Tell yourself a story about the figure in the card.  The story can be in the lines of what they mean or you can go crazy.  Have the couple in the Devil card trying to sell you a used car. Or maybe a story of how the man in the ten of wands got into that situation.  Get as deep or as funny as you need. Feel free to do a spread of your choice if you have the time and energy.
  • Burn some incense or candle or spray some air freshener.  Clear your head with a new smell.  It’s amazing how much a little sandalwood smoke can completely turn my day around.
  • Take a few deep belly breaths.  Feel the air move through you even if it’s just plain room air.  Try the alternating nasal breathing exercises where you block one nostril at a time per breath.  Try breathing through your mouth or nose if you don’t normally breathe that way.  Fill your belly with air and rock a drum solo.  Take breaths sitting then standing and try to notice the difference.

Sure, this list is small and maybe a little silly.  Don’t brush off silliness.  Adulthood is boring and over-stressful.  I envy my kids – they can amuse themselves for hours with the simplest things like a piece of string, and all I can see is how useless the string is or try to list ways I can use it to make life better (but still serious).

Since the moon is full, maybe it’s time to delve into that which is causing you angst.  Maybe you’re not ready yet.  But when you feel overwhelmed, remember to take a few seconds to be mindful or silly.  Try to let the overwhelm go and shift your focus onto things more deserving of your time: you, your family and friends, your pets.

Happy Full Moon.

Creating my Tarot Journal

I’ve been playing with my tarot cards since Mother’s Day and am really enjoying them.  However, I feel like I’ve only stuck my toe into the vast sea that is Tarot.  I’ve been delving into the surface with the help of Pinterest, but a common suggestion that I have been stumbling upon is to create a Tarot Journal.

Oooo!  A journal! This should be right up my ally, right?  I’ve been putting it off for weeks now.  With the encouragement of the the New Moon this month to strengthen my spiritual practices, I finally dove in and began working on this project.

I am also FINALLY using this handmade notebook that I’ve been carrying around with me for over a decade (maybe even over two).  I always felt it was too pretty to use for regular journaling, but for this it just feels right.

I’ve completed the Major Arcana so far.  It was interesting.  I had read the book 78 Degrees of Wisdom a few months ago, and boy was that a LOT of info.  And I’ve been listening to the Biddy Tarot Podcast for a few weeks now.  Biddy Tarot is all about use your intuition to read the cards, while 78 Degrees was VERY VERY VERY detail oriented and specific.  However, with these two resources and my own self, I’ve been putting together something that I really like so far.

I start every page off with the story that I see in the card.  Here is the character, the focal point, the feelings that I get from the card in general.  If a symbol stands out then I note it, I ask questions in the stories too (like the people in the tower – did they jump voluntarily or were they thrown out?).  I could pull up 78 Degrees again, and note every symbol and detail and meaning of them all, but it’s okay to leave that for later discovery.  So I have my little story.  Then i have the number and any helpful insight about the number or astrology that is tied in with this card (planets or numbers).  Then I use the Biddy Tarot website for meaning because she has the most concise descriptions that I’ve found so far, and I like her podcast, so I like her blog.  In her descriptions she will go into symbols and whatnot, but I only note my overall strongest impressions.  What I want to know right now.  Again, later discovery will allow for delving.  I also note reversals.  It’s simple, there is a lot of white space on the page for later annotations.  So far I love it.

My process has been to look into the card and find the story.  Write that down and anything else that I know or notice.  Make a bullet style list of meanings and info.  Then move on to the next card.  I’ve been getting a lot more familiar with the Majors.  I don’t see a lot of them in my own readings.

I am starting the Minors today, and I am not sure how I want to do it.  Honestly, I was thinking about doing it by numbers rather than suits.  All the aces with their specific meanings, followed by the 2s instead of an entire suit followed by another entire suit.  I feel like there is power in the numbering as well as the suits, so looking at all of the 4s together could help me better understand them as a whole (and I’ll refer back to the Major 4s as well) and applying the nature of their suits.  We’ll see.  This part is making me the most nervous because I am not sure exactly how it will turn out or if I will be happy with this method.

 

But I am super excited about it.

Book of Light & Steps to a New Happy

I’ve only heard the term once, but I quite liked it.  If a Book of Shadows is all secrets, spells, and things that I created based on my research; then a Book of Light should hold and store all the research, notes, and general information that I collected.

I have a lot of interests so far:  divination, candle magic, moon magic, deity concepts, holidays/celebrations, magic in general, meditation, chakras, mindfulness, visualization, and the list continues.

However, if I don’t SLOW DOWN, I will get overwhelmed and give up.  And that is the last thing I want to do.

I don’t want to give up again.  I did that for years.  I lived with the thought that my choices don’t really matter, because every week we were forgiven.  This led me to feel that my choices didn’t really matter UNLESS I chose not to take sacrament.  I could murder someone, confess and talk about it, do some praying, then BOOM forgiven.  So what does human life matter?

I was lost in my own head – stuck with the ideas of having to be perfect because of what my peers and complete strangers do on social media or talk about at gatherings.  I love my children, but their constant needs (through age appropriate) drain all my energy and cause me to become short tempered and reactive.

They deserve better.

I deserve better.

It is my life after all, and my decisions are significant for those around me.  Sure, my choice of what’s for dinner isn’t going to cure cancer or cause the next war (hopefully) but my choices are seen by my family and if they see me not able to take care of myself, and not value myself then what are they to expect for their own lives.

So I looked outside of “traditional” religions.  (traditional being Judeo-Christian oriented.  That’s all I’ve experienced, as far as attending services, being a member of, and youth activities, etc).

It started with Buddhist teachings, but I don’t feel that I could be a true Buddhist due to the vegetarianism and not killing insects that are invading my sacred living spaces.  (Sorry, but any insect or spider within 10 feet of my bed has 2 seconds to run as far away as they can)

What I do like are the ideas of mindfulness and self-regulation.  I need mindfulness in my life.  I spend too much of my day rushing through chores and making dinner and entertaining the kids, that I forget about actually enjoying the time I had that day.  I fall asleep exhausted and feel that I have nothing of matter that shows for my stress.  Sure, I cleaned the living room, but my kids are little, so it’s as good as trashed by the time lunch rolls around the next day.  Was it worth the aggravation of trying to make them help me?  Was it worth the yelling and over-reacting because I was trying to control everything?

Hell no.

Instead, I need to send the kids outside (weather permitting) let them be kids.  I need to sit still and enjoy how my coffee tastes, how tense my shoulders are, how shallow my breathing is and how this is making me crabby.  I need sit and be still.  Sit and relax my mind.

Meditation, self-reflection, journaling.  All things I need to keep myself more relaxed.  Help myself understand and discover myself.

But what about outside myself?

I looked into lots of different directions and settled with magick.  Paganism and Wicca.  These have a lot of systems that I naturally connected with.  I have always felt a connection with the elements – earth, air, fire, water.  Always liked the moon and her cyclic nature.

Most of all I like the idea that there is divinity in all things.  It isn’t missing until I am baptized or blessed.  It is there, it has always been there, and it will always be there.  This divinity connects us all beyond our religious, cultural, and racial beliefs.  We are all divine.  And with that comes responsibility.

I am divine.  You are divine.  My lilac bush is divine.  I have no right to be disrespectful, unkind, or aggressive towards you or my lilac bush.  You share this right as well.  We are connected and we can make our own paths and choices.  I am responsible for the consequences of my actions.  Me and only me.  I have to live with them, so I better make ones I can stand, so that when I can’t sleep at night, it’s not because I’m tormented by the awful things I did that day.  (I have other things that keep me up, potty training, sick kids, sinus headaches…)

Along with a new found self-respect, I can also adapt this to what I need at any given time.  Growing up, it was all-or-nothing all the time.  Somethings I wasn’t comfortable with, but my family would lose face if I didn’t participate.  Some things I loved and was happy to dive in head first.  It wasn’t that it was miserable, it just didn’t always fit and that always seemed to be my own fault because I wasn’t worthy enough or “holy” enough or “righteous” enough.

This path I have chosen is also something I can do alone.  I love that.  I never liked testimony meetings.  I felt the pressure from my parents to stand up and address the congregation, but the idea of talking to that many people at once made me nauseous.  I had a testimony at the time, but I feel that it was built on peer pressure.  When I was left to do my own soul searching, I found I wasn’t happy alone, but I naturally prefer to be alone.  This was contradictory and made me super anxious and even depressed because obviously something was wrong with me.  I wasn’t happy like my friends and family in church, so I must be full of sin or broken, but never unhappy.  That was never an option.

And yet I was, and I seemed to be the only one.  Anxiety overload…

For a while, I just gave up on anything as far as “religion” or divinity.  The universe was just chaos, nothing made sense, nothing mattered, especially me.

This was not healthy…  not in any sense –  physical, emotional, or mental.  I kept it under control a lot, replacing this feeling with becoming a control freak and workaholic.  But when I found myself working too much for a company that cared too little and I was about to have baby number 2, I realize that I had had enough.

It took about three years to find something I can feel confident in.  Something that will meet me at my own personal level, not a level that others think I should be at, but where I am, without any shame, guilt, or disappointment.

The vastness of this path is overwhelming at times.  I totally understand why having a set path is both appealing and comforting.  But the individuality, the personalization, the self-accountability and self-improvement is  what I need.

Preparation, Practice, and Reflection.

These are things I need in my life.  I have been working through this in my journals, and this is what feels right.  My own path, my own heart leading the way, my own connection with the divine centers of the universe, my own self discovery and development.

And this blog will become a place to reflect.  A place to slow down.  A place to try and find myself once again.  For myself.  Maybe I’ll open up with this, maybe not.  There is nothing wrong with either choice.  As long as I do what helps me in the end.

It’s hard to write like that.  I tend to be more selfless when it comes to making time for me or spending money on myself, etc.  So this part of the whole mindfulness/magick path will be unexplored territory for me.  It’s not wrong to be selfish – one needs to stand up for what one needs, desires, and dreams.  But that word has so much weight with it.  But it’s not wrong.  Without taking care of oneself, you cannot adequately take care of others.

With that said, here I go, one step towards a new happy, and new me.